OBFBL Power Rankings (Through Week 8)

This is the first edition of Power Rankings for the 2010 season.  I will rank each team in order of strength based on their overall record, points scored, best players, and any other subjective criteria I feel like.  I will hopefully do this every few weeks or so to illustrate the dynamic of the league.  Without further adieu, here we go:

#1 – Dawg Eat Dawg (9-2)

Benny’s team is back after a miserable 2009 season.  Despite having fewer points than The Ketubah, Benny recently acquired Cy Young Award-winner Zack Greinke to strengthen an already-impressive pitching staff led by Tim Lincecum and Roy Oswalt.  This is the first time in OBFBL history that someone has had both of the previous year’s CY Young Award winners on their team at the same time.

#2 – C.C. Ate My Ketubah (9-2)

After a four-year hiatus, Ari has brought the Ketubah back to his team name.  He jumped out of the gate to a fast start and has built a 5-game lead in the NL Central.  He will need this wiggle room because he just lost Kendry Morales and Nelson Cruz to injuries at the end of Week 8.  If Ari wins his division, his team’s celebration will be quiet and conservative so that no one gets injured.  And should Ari sprain his ankle, an ambulance should be driving by at that exact same time (inside joke).

#3 – 5 Finger Baseball (8-3)

OBFBL rookie Mario Portilla had the best record in the league until this past double-header week when he was finally brought down to Earth.  Mario set a rookie record for starting his OBFBL career off at 5-0, and he also became a father for the second time during Week 1.  Needless to say, it has been an exciting debut for this newbie who now sings the praises of Jon Garland merely weeks after trying to trade him for fecal matter.

#4 – Slappy McSingleton (7-4)

Another OBFBL rookie ranks in the Top 5 as Matthew Abbott’s team leads the league in points scored by a wide margin.  Led by his brilliant 1st round pick Roy Halladay, Matthew is on pace to shatter several OBFBL records including total points for a season, and most individual points by a player.  Halladay’s 404 points through 8 weeks is astounding, thanks in part to his perfect game, multiple complete games, and overall dominance.  Not to be overshadowed are Ricky Romero, Johnny Cueto and James Shields rounding out arguably the best pitching staff in the league.

#5 – Jewish Mafia (6-5)

After leading the league in everything after the first couple weeks, Randy Peltz’s Hebrew Hitmen have slowed down a bit.  Randy was not pleased with Hanley Ramirez’s selfish actions.  As a result, Randy slapped some sense into Hanley and it seems to have worked.  Kudos must be given for Randy’s selection of Ubaldo Jimenez in the 6th round of the draft as he has proven to be the best pitcher in baseball thus far.  With Carlos Beltran due back around the All-Star break, Randy could be setting himself up for a big second half and a return to the playoffs.

#6 – Benny is Tiger Woods’ Bee-otch (6-5)

If a free agent pitcher has 0ne good game, chances are Marc will scoop him up.  OBFBL original Marc Stein has created a patchwork pitching staff behind Chris Carpenter, and thus far it has worked as C.J. Wilson, Brett Cecil and Nick Blackburn have all provided some depth with the absence of Jair Jurrjens and Justin Duchscherer.  Albert Pujols seems to have hit his stride at the right time, and Marc also boasts arguably the best outfield in the OBFBL with Jayson Werth, Carl Crawford, Nick Markakis and Curtis Granderson.

#7 – This is the Business We’ve Chosen (6-5)

OBFBL veteran Jason Tuvel, a historically fast starter, is off and running again.  However, he is unfortunately in a division with Dawg Eat Dawg who is running even faster.  Regardless, Jason’s reliance on young talent has paid off with the likes of Ike Davis, Yovanni Gallardo, and David Price.  The glue to his team is clearly Derek Jeter, who is always good for a milquetoast quote after a OBFBL week.  “It’s a long season and we just want to put up positive points for Jason,” stated Jeter. 

#8 – Hoof Hearted (6-5)

OBFBL original Jared Levitt made his triumphant return to the league after an 8-year absence.  He started off 0-4 but has stormed back and is now tied for 1st place in the NL West.  This turnaround was made despite 1st round pick Mark Teixeira not doing anything, which prompted Jared to trade him away.  Castaways Edwin Encarnacion and Alex Rios have provided a big boost to Jared’s lineup, which was without Ian Kinsler until recently.

#9 – There is No Giant Douche, Only Zool (5-6)

After a quick 4-1 start, the Giant Douche has been on the receiving end of a weekly pap smear.  While Jose Reyes finally appears to have started hitting, studs like Ryan Howard and Matt Holliday have yet to achieve any consistency.  Grady Sizemore was not productive when he played, and now he is gone for quite awhile.  Acquiring Mark Teixeira should help the lineup as Tex lumbers out of a season-long slump.  Free agent gems like Gio Gonzalez and Anibal Sanchez have helped save an otherwise underachieving pitching staff with the exception of Phil Hughes.

#10 – Jumpin’ Jesse Orosco (5-6)

OBFBL rookie Tim Catts got off to a rough start but has stormed back to take the lead (via tiebreaker) in the AL East.  After putting star closers Jonathan Papelbon and Jonathan Broxton on the block after the first week, things have calmed down for Mr. Catts as he got Lance Berkman back from the DL and Prince Fielder finally homered after 3 weeks.  Despite being assured 10 strikeouts a week from David Wright, Tim has gotten excellent results from srcappy players like Dustin Pedroia and Carlos Gonzalez.  Now the pressure is on the rookie to succeed down the stretch in a pennant race.

#11 – Sharks With Phrickin’ Laser Beams (5-6)

No team has epitomized the term “streaky” quite like Jim Malloy.  In 2009, Jim’s rookie year, he started the season 0-10 and then stormed all the way back to lose out on the playoffs by one game.  This year, Jim started 5-0 and seemed on his way to greatness.  Then his wife gave birth to their son and now Jim has lost 6 in a row.  It appears he has traded doubles for diapers.  Losing Jimmy Rollins for most of the season has taken its toll on Jim’s lineup, but he has proven he can rebound from a long losing streaks.  He also acquired Carlos Silva and Aaron Rowand for Curtis Granderson, and Silva has proven to be a consistent commodity in Jim’s rotation.  Jim also has 5 catchers on his roster which is just bizarre.

#12 – Full Metal Jacket (5-6)

Joey I. got off to a slow start following his successful rookie season in 2009, but he appears to have found his groove now sharing a three-way tie for 1st place in the AL East.  Clearly a fan of younger players, the average age of Joey I.’s team is 17.  Up and comers like Evan Longoria, Matt Wieters, Joey Votto, Drew Stubbs and Mat Latos may lack experience but they bring production to the table.  Adam Jones has yet to hit his stride, perhaps because he clashed with Joey I.’s managing style in 2009.

#13 – Len Tuckwilla’s Nuts Over My Chin (4-7)

OBFBL’s resident Saturday Night Live reference-maker once again demonstrated his love for Asian cuisine with the likes of Hideki Matsui, Shin Soo Choo, and Dice-K on his roster.  At least Ryan Braun will have someone to eat dinner with on Christmas Eve.  Craig’s young pitching staff is anchored by future star Tommy Hanson, who has yet to match his dominance of 2009.  Craig is another streaky player, so a big run down the stretch is not out of the question.

#14 – Death Star Destroyers (4-7)

The OBFBL’s resident Star Wars fanatic has stumbled out of the gate despite having a lethal 1-2 duo of C.C. Sabathia and Johan Santana.  Abe Strasser’s lineup has been marred by injuries to Chipper Jones and Aaron Hill.  However, with a deep pitching staff that also includes Francisco Liriano, Ted Lilly, and the ageless Andy Pettitte, he is a huge threat in weeks where he has pitchers with two starts. 

#15 – Cole Hamels’ Multi-racial Children (4-7)

After a playoff berth in his rookie year, OBFBL sophomore Jeff Mickletz and partner Mike Chiereilson (no, not that type of partner) have struggled to get consistent pitching performances outside of Dallas Braden’s miraculous perfect game.  They lead the league in Uptons as their outfield is comprised of both B.J. and Justin, along with budding superstar Andrew McCutcheon.  First round pick Chase Utley, arguably the best second baseman in baseball not named Luis Castillo, hasn’t lived up to expectations being the 8th overall pick.  However, after finishing 3rd overall in 2009 with a .500 record, anything is possible for Cole Hamels and his multi-racial children.

#16 – Mets in 2010 (4-7)

OBFBL veteran Jordan Maliavsky has ridden a rollercoaster with his team going from 300 point weeks to sub-200 point weeks.  Drafting the entire Angels’ rotation proved to not be very helpful as Pineiro, Saunders and Santana have not been consistent.  After acquiring Jose Guillen in a trade for Pineiro and Dexter Fowler, Guillen is now riding Jordan’s bench once again proving he is one of the most inconsistent players in baseball.  A potentially potent offense comprised of A-Rod, Mark Reynolds and Brian McCann, the Mets in 2010 are poised to be competitive down the stretch, especially with staff ace Cliff Lee likely to be traded to a contending team.

#17 – What’s the Plural of Moose? (4-7)

OBFBL original Cory Varrial made his return to the league in 2009 and has now followed that up with a pedestrian start to the 2010 season.  Much of Cory’s struggles can be attributed to his inability to start the right players as he consistently has 75-100 points rotting on his bench every week.  Jake Peavy does not seem to be the pitcher he once was, and staff ace Dan Haren has been uncharacteristically inconsistent.  It was a ballsy move drafting Joe Mauer with the 5th overall pick, and while Mauer has been productive, it has limited Cory’s production at other vital positions.

#18 – Veal Cutlet a L’Orange (2-9)

Former two-time OBFBL finalist Maury Weisel has struggled mightily to start the 2010 season.  His first two draft picks, Zack Greinke and Javier Vazquez, did not anchor what was thought to be a deep pitching staff.  Greinke has subsequently been traded for equally disappointing Derrek Lee.  Also, Maury’s 3rd round pick Brian Roberts has yet to be active as he remains on the DL.  It will take some shrewd and creative managing, but Maury is still within striking distance if he can pull off a couple more deals and get back in the pennant race.

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